A Tuna “Sandwedge”

Roybob’s Book on Golf: The Hucks, A Golfer’s Divine Comedy, and a Religious Philosophy of Golf

Huck Tales


A Tuna “Sandwedge”

A long-time member of the Hucks, Tuna, has struggled with his game in recent years. He carried a three handicap during many previous years, but something happened. He began to develop a significant dip as he began his downswing, such a dip that he would often either hit the top of the ball or take tremendously large divots.

As far as hitting the top of the ball goes, the Hucks have actually seen Tuna hit himself in the chin with his ball. I’m not sure a trick -shot artist could do that. We have also seen Tuna drive the ball into the ground so hard that the ball went backwards and wound up behind him.

As far as taking big divots goes, Tuna is a large and strong man. His forearms are bigger than some people’s thighs. Fortunately, he is also good humored, but I still would not want to get on his bad side. Anyway, when he lays the sod over the ball, he gets close to breaking through to China. One could hide a Volkswagen Beatle in one of his divots.

Tuna, at about a twelve handicap, and L.A., at about an eight, would get into best ball bets with any two guys with handicaps in the four or under range. Tuna and L.A. would wear their opponents out. Typically, one of the two would be totally out of play, but the other would have a stroke and make par or better. Having been one of the victims, I called them Fuckie Dee and Fuckie Dum, and if Fuckie Dee did not beat you, Fuckie Dum would.

One spring, the Hucks were heading to Destin, Florida, to play in the Huck’s Cup, a Ryder-Cup-type match between the Tallahassee gang and the Niceville gang.  On the way over to Destin, the boys stopped off to play Shark’s Tooth near West Panama City Beach.  Ricky Bob and I were unable to make it over in time to play the Tooth, but we did make it in time to sit on a spacious patio outside the three-story clubhouse and watch the boys finish up on eighteen.  Tuna was in the second group.  Ricky Bob and I saw Tuna in a green side bunker about twenty yards from the pin and about 110 yards from the three-story clubhouse.  He had an uphill lie, and he caught the ball flush.  The ball was still rising as it banged into the third story of the clubhouse.  If the ball had hit about a foot further to the left, the clubhouse would have needed a replacement for a tall, lancet window.

At another time, Tuna and his wife had invited D.J. and his wife over for dinner.  D.J. and his wife arrived and noticed that Tuna had been doing some yard work.  There were a bunch of azalea bushes lying off to the side of Tuna’s house and empty holes near the house where the azaleas had been.  D.J. and his wife wandered around the yard, and Tuna came out to greet them.  D.J. asked, “Tuna, what did you use to dig up those azaleas, your sand wedge?”

Tuna did not think the comment was very funny, but the rest of us laugh every time we hear the story.  (Tuna, if you ever read this, I want you to know that Fuji made me write this.)

Roybob’s Book on Golf: The Hucks, A Golfer’s Divine Comedy, and a Religious Philosophy of Golf

Leave a Comment