Book Review: 501 Golf Jokes

by Roy M. Barineau, Ph. D. on December 20, 2011

Roybob’s Book on Golf: The Hucks, A Golfer’s Divine Comedy, and a Religious Philosophy of Golf

Book Review: 501 Golf Jokes

See Roybob’s Ball Rating System

Franklin Dohanyos, 501 Golf Jokes for (Almost) All Occasions, MJF Books, New York, 2001.

The title explains the book. The book consists of 501 golf jokes organized into several different subcategories, such as “Doctors and Lawyers,” “Hazards,” “Putting,” “Religion,” “Sex,” “Golfing and Women,” et cetera. If readers have been around golf for awhile, they will have heard a lot of these jokes, but not all. Several of the jokes are mildly amusing. Some will cause readers to chuckle out loud. None were knock down hilarious. A few were puzzling. There is some repetition of jokes in the book, so I  do not think the number, 501, is actually accurate.

If you are new to golf, 501 Golf Jokes may be a great introduction to golf humor. I’m awarding the book two out of three balls.  God knows, golfers need to find the humor in their games. Laughing about one’s game is a lot better than some other alternatives.  Find below a few jokes from the book, jokes with which I was not familiar and found somewhat entertaining.

19. “A new member of a posh country club wanted to make a good first impression, so he invited the club pro out for a round of golf. After a decent round, the new member said to the pro, ‘Thanks for joining me today. It was important to me to prove my game to you. I spent twelve thousand dollars on lessons and new clubs before joining this club.’’
‘Is that so?’ said the pro. ‘Then I guess you’ll want to meet my brother-in-law.’
‘Oh, is he a good golfer, too?’
‘No,’ said the pro. ‘He’s a consumer fraud attorney.’

48. “A golfer had played a pretty good round for the day, when he came to the fifteenth hole, a relatively long par-3. The golfer, feeling rather confident of his ability, said to his caddie, ‘This looks like a four-wood tee shot and a one put.’ The caddie obediently handed him the 4-wood, which he topped, sending the ball about fifteen yards into the fairway.
The smiling caddie handed him his putter and said, ‘And now for one hell of a putt.’

97. “A novice golfer plays the local public course every week and always seems to have trouble with the water trap on the twelfth hole, losing two or three balls every time he plays it. On one round he gets smart and decides to use an old cut-up ball he found the week before. He opens bag, gets the old ball, tees it up, and gets ready to swing. Just as his backswing is in motion, a mighty voice from the heaven decrees, “Use the new ball.”
He is shocked and figures any advice from God should be followed. He picks up the old ball and tees up a new one. He starts his backswing, but once again is interrupted by a voice from heaven, “Take a practice swing.”
The man steps away from the ball, takes a practice swing, and just as he steps forward to readdress the ball, the voice speaks again, “Use the old ball.”

161. “Two golfers are getting set for their tee shots at the fourth hole. The first golfer says, ‘Hey, guess what? I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!’
The second golfer replies, ‘Great trade.’

247. “’Golfer: You perhaps won’t believe it, but I once did this hole in one.’
Caddie: ‘Would that be one stroke or one day, sir?’”

302. “Two guys were on the green of the twelfth hole getting set to putt. Out of nowhere a golf ball came bounding at them and stopped four inches from the cup. One of the guys said, ‘Watch me have a little fun with this guy.’ And with that, he tapped the ball into the hole with his putter. A few seconds later a guy appeared.
‘Hey look, mister,’ said the golfer, ‘you got the ball into the cup!’
The other golfer started jumping up and down and said, ‘Hey, you guys, hurry up over here and see this. I got a ten!’”

383. A foursome of older women were taking their time teeing off at the tenth hole. Golfers were starting to back up. Just as they were about to play, a man rushed off the ninth green and screamed. ‘Excuse me, ladies. I need to play through. I’ve just heard that my wife has been taken seriously ill.’

492. “A golfer walked into the clubhouse shortly after he had begun playing a round with three women. He had several bruises and a 7-iron wrapped around his neck.
‘What happened to you?’ asked the club pro.
‘Well, I was playing with that threesome of women you put me with. One of them hooked a tee shot into the cow pasture next to the first fairway. She was having trouble locating her ball, so I climbed over the fence to look in the pasture. Just when we were about to give up, I noticed that a cow had a golf ball stuck under its tail. Trying to be helpful, I lifted the cow’s tail and asked her, ‘Hey, lady, does this look like yours?’”

Roybob’s Book on Golf: The Hucks, A Golfer’s Divine Comedy, and a Religious Philosophy of Golf

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: