Man Down: Part Four, or Mayhem

by Roy M. Barineau, Ph. D. on November 15, 2014

Roybob’s Book on Golf: The Hucks, A Golfer’s Divine Comedy, and a Religious Philosophy of Golf

Huck Tales

Man Down: Part Four,
Or Mayhem

Every fall, near the end of October, the Hucks make a pilgrimage to play golf at Cuscowilla, on Lake Oconee, in north Georgia. Cuscowilla, or Cusci for short, is an appealing resort that features a challenging course completed in 1997 and designed by Bill Coore and Ben Crenshaw.

Over the years at Cusci, Hucks have been involved in several incidents that included broken convenience store doors, deputy sheriff visits, fist fights, and other rather questionable acts that took place off the golf course. The incident that draws attention in this story took place on the course.

The Cusci tournament starts on Thursday and ends on Sunday. The event has often been referred to as the Mobley Benefit Tournament because a character known as Mobley has claimed more than his fair share of victories. In fact, a Cusci rule, the Mobley rule, was enacted a few years ago in order to spread the victories around. According to the rule, every player except Mobley adds two strokes to his handicap.

Soon after the Hucks’ arrival, a character, who because of this story will be known as Mayhem or Stuntman, shifted into full vacation mode. He donned striking golf slacks that featured lime green sea horses against a white background, and he began drinking Crown Royal and Fireball shots.  Mayhem shared a cart with T.P., and the two of them played with Fuji and Hollah.

On the fourth hole, the Hucks behind Mayhem took note of Mayhem’s striking slacks. Doc was assisting a first-time player, Bo Jam, by suggesting targets for tee shots. Not thinking about who was in front of him and with no intention of being sardonic, Doc pointed at Mayhem in the fairway and said, “Hit it toward that woman.”

On the seventeenth hole, Mayhem’s group began to notice some rather strange behavior. Mayhem had hit his tee ball into the high grass (referred to as “the Cusci”), and the group had spent some time locating his ball. Mayhem went to get a club to hit his next shot, but he neglected to leave his hat as a marker for the ball’s location. Also, for his journey to get a club, he decided to ignore proper golf etiquette and simply stagger through a sand trap that lay between him and the cart. After he retrieved a club and walked back through the trap, Mayhem could not, of course, relocate his ball. So, the group found the ball for a second time, at which point Mayhem decided that he required a different club. Once more, Mayhem stumbled back and forth through the bunker. T.P. and Fuji, by now, were amused to the point of shedding tears. Mayhem eventually hit his shot, and the group moved on.

On the eighteenth hole, T.P. left the cart, and Mayhem was on his own. Driving down toward the green, Mayhem hit a curb at a “Y” in the path and flipped the cart over onto its side. Alarmed by the sounds of the crash and subsequent scratching, as the cart slid along the path, T.P., Fuji, and Hollah ran to check on the stunt driver. They found him resting on his side and still holding onto the steering wheel as though he were not finished driving. They told him to let loose of the wheel and get out of the cart. He responded, “I can’t get out.” Fuji said, “there are three openings in the cart, and you can’t get out?” They got Mayhem on his feet, still standing inside the boundaries of the fallen cart, but he could not determine which of three exits he should utilize: the back of the cart, the front of the cart, or the side of the cart – which, of course, was now actually the top of the cart. Mayhem eventually backed out through the front window of the cart. T.P., Fuji, and Hollah set the cart upright and finished the hole.

On the following day, Mayhem held a vague memory of having wrecked the cart but not much memory of anything else. When the Hucks went out for their Friday round, T.P. found his clubs on the same cart and thought, “Oh no, I’m getting blamed for scrapping up the cart.”

There are several players among the Hucks who have a goal of never appearing as a main character in one of my stories, and Mayhem does not ordinarily present himself a likely candidate for a “man down” or as someone who would be responsible for a “cart down.” His story, like the story of Tequila Bill II, should serve as a warning. Deep within everyone there is a “man down” waiting to pop up.

Roybob’s Book on Golf: The Hucks, A Golfer’s Divine Comedy, and a Religious Philosophy of Golf

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Introductions to Religioins of the World

by Roy M. Barineau, Ph. D. on May 9, 2014

Introductions to Religions of the World

Baha’i

Buddhism

The Chinese Religions of Taoism and Confucianism

Christianity

Hinduism

Islam

Jainism

Judaism

Primal or Local Religions:

Native American and Native African

Shinto

Sikhism

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The Hucks Through The Years

by Roy M. Barineau, Ph. D. on December 11, 2013

Roybob’s Book on Golf: The Hucks, A Golfer’s Divine Comedy, and a Religious Philosophy of Golf

The Hucks Through the Years

 

Hucks 1994 Quincy Earliest Surviving Picture of the Hucks taken at Quincy Golf and Country Club, 1994

 

The Hucks gathered for play on the 80th birthday of Roybob's father, 2004 The Hucks Gathered for Play at Golden Eagle on the 80th Birthday of Roybob’s Father, 2004

 

The Hucks, c. 2005 The Hucks Gathered for Play at Golden Eagle, c. 2005

 

The Hucks' Cup, Indian Bayou Golf Club, Destin, FL, 2006 The Hucks’ Cup, Indian Bayou Golf Club, Destin, FL, 2006

 

The Hucks Cup, Indian Bayou Golf Club, Destin, FL, 2007 The Hucks’ Cup, Raven Golf Club, Destin, FL, 2007

 

Roybob's Fiftieth Birthday, 2008 The Hucks after Play at Golden Eagle on Roybob’s Fiftieth Birthday, 2008

 

A few Hucks gathered for a reunion, c. 2008 A Few Hucks Gathered for a Homecoming, c. 2008

 

The Hucks' Dash for Cash, 2010 The Hucks’ Dash for Cash, 2010

 

The Hcuks at a farewell gathering, 2013 The Hcuks at a Farewell Gathering, 2013

 

The Hucks' Dash for Cash, 2013 The Hucks’ Dash for Cash, 2013

Roybob’s Book on Golf: The Hucks, A Golfer’s Divine Comedy, and a Religious Philosophy of Golf

 

Book Review: Funny (but true) Golf Anecdotes

by Roy M. Barineau, Ph. D. on August 12, 2013

Roybob’s Book on Golf: The Hucks, A Golfer’s Divine Comedy, and a Religious Philosophy of Golf

Book Review: Funny (but true) Golf Anecdotes: about Tiger, Phil, Bubba, Rory, Rickie, Jack, Arnie, and all the rest.

See Roybob’s Ball Rating System

Dick Crouser, Funny (but true) Golf Anecdotes, Meadowbrook Press, New York, 2012.

The title describes the book. Crouser presents eighty-three pages worth of short golf stories relating to many of golf’s famous names. Some anecdotes are more humorous than others, but there were enough funny ones for me to me to award the book a full sleeve of balls. I included some “shorties” in my own book, and here are a few of my favorite “shorties” from Crouser’s book.

“Pro-Am Strategy”

Donna Caponi was playing with a sportswriter in an alternate-shot match. She would “hit a booming tee shot”; the sportswriter would scuff the next shot into the woods. She would “hit out of the woods onto the green”; he would putt “off the green into the water.” After several holes of similar frustrations, “she hit a big drive that stopped just in front of a water hazard. ‘What should I do here?’ he asked. ‘Whiff it,’ she said.”

“A Tough Golf Course

Robert Trent Jones was never the pro golfer’s favorite architect, because many felt that Jones had something against a golfer being able to shoot par. Jimmy Demaret, one of Jones’s severest critics, ran into him once and said, ‘Saw a course you’d really like the other day, Trent. On the first tee, you take a penalty drop.”

“Faldo’s Pricey Present

Nick Faldo had just won the biggest purse of his life – a cool $1 million – and was feeling generous when he asked his wife if there were anything she’d like to have. ‘A divorce,’ she said. ‘I wasn’t thinking of anything quite that expressive,’ Faldo replied.”

“How Slow is Sakura Yokomine?

LPGA star Christina Kim has never been known for keeping her opinions to herself. After learning she wouldn’t have to play behind Japanese player Sakura Yokomine during the final round of the U.S. Women’s Open, Kim said, ‘Phew. I’m glad… She’s slower than trying to bake a pie with a lighter.’”

“Maltbie’s Last-Round Comeback

The thrill and drama of the last-round comeback has made tournament golf a huge spectator draw. Palmer, Ncklaus, Woods, love, Faldo – they’ve all done it. Roger Maltbie has, too, although he didn’t seem to possess the supreme confidence golf miracles normally require. Ten strokes back entering the last round of an Andy Williams tourney, he was asked what he’d have to shoot to win. ‘The rest of the field,’ he said.”

“Slow-Play Disease

The curse of the public golf course is slow play – the six-hour round. But even a few pros suffer from slow-play disease. Like Bernhard Langer, according to some. He and Lee Trevino were paired for a round in 1992, and as Trevino was coming off the 18th green, he was asked to comment on Langer’s new beard: ‘He was clean-shaven when we teed off.’”

If you are looking for a few laughs related to the game of golf, I recommend Funny (but true) Golf Anecdotes: about Tiger, Phil, Bubba, Rory, Rickie, Jack, Arnie, and all the rest.

Roybob’s Book on Golf: The Hucks, A Golfer’s Divine Comedy, and a Religious Philosophy of Golf

Book Review: The World’s Only Collection of Great Golf Poetry

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May 6, 2013

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Book Review: The Story of Golf

December 27, 2012

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Book Review: Missing Links

December 20, 2012

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Roybob’s Book on Golf Now Available Through Barnes and Noble

December 7, 2012

Roybob’s Book on Golf is Now Available Through Barnes and Noble Roybob’s Book on Golf: The Hucks, A Golfer’s Divine Comedy, and a Religious Philosophy of Golf

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